The blog asks 'Am I a waste of internet space?'

Well holy high flying, soaring bald eagle, maple syrup slurping, beaver building crap! This dusty ol' clap trap of a blog hasn't been posted on since October 2012. I noticed there were a number of experiences and countries from the last trip that didn't even make it on here. Having a look now, and trying for a few updates, it's like walking through a dusty ghost town with some digital tumbleweed blowing by. If this blog was a kid, it would have been put into social services a long time ago. But HEY! With no promises for the amount or quality of content, formatting or if this sentence will even get posted, let's try again!

FIRST POST HALFWAY THROUGH THE YEAR OF 2013!

...and going strong

The Van

'Este-Van'

       As some of you may know, Maddison and I have been living in a van all summer. Through countless recitations of the Chris Farley skit by the people we tell, it's come to be a badge of pride, a beautiful way to live and an amazing way to be homeless but still have a great place to sleep. Since May of this year, we have put more than 12,000 kilometres on this beast, and it is still just rocking along like the green and white dream it is. The van is a 1977 Dodge Tradesman, converted into a camping megalith for your leisure. I assume it used to be a utility van for an electrician or plumber, whereas after that (the banging 80's) they cut the roof off, installed that white piece you see on the top, a stove and an oven, an extra battery and some speakers. Now you can stand up and boogey your way into the 90's.

       Despite it's age and the funny face it makes in pictures, we were fairly lucky to pick up a unit like the one we did. Obviously when people think 'living out your van like a pair of dirty hippies' it's more catered to the Westfalia range...

these mofo's --->

           In our extensive search throughout the Okanagan, we found two or three of these bitchin' rides up for sale. FOR $7000+! and these guys looked nothing like the one pictured above. No breaks, rusty bodies, gutted insides. Nothing under that price range if we wanted that Woodstock '69 vibe. So when we stumbled across this yet-to-be-named hero of the highways Dodge Van for $2800, the buy-me bells were ringing. Of course we were a bit skeptical, like any used vehicle purchase, but the nice fellow we bought it from had a receipt for well over $2000 in recent repairs. HOT-DAMN! After a few days of figuring out license plates and how to get the gas cap off, we hit the road. We no longer had a stationary place to live. Our kitchen, bedroom and bathroom now had wheels. 

          I lied just now. We have been using the good graces of anything else we can find for the bathroom. The van came with a small chemical toilet and nice little private closet to rock out in, but throughout the summer both of us were too nervous and a bit too grossed out to use it. It came with these little deodorizer tablets, and you can throw some of the magic blue bubblegum juice down there, but at the end of the day you're cruising down the highway at 100km/h with a days worth of bathroom slush rolling around behind you. Nahhh. I pawned that toilet and high-fived the thrift shop people.

                               

        

Without further adieu, here are my top 10 favourite things about living in a van;

TOP TEN THINGS THAT ARE GREAT ABOUT LIVING IN A VAN

1. If you lose something, there is a very small area you have to look to find it. Lost items usually only stay lost for a little while, while the floor and seat cracks are thoroughly examined.
2. If you are discreet, you can stay ANYWHERE. We've done our fair share of RV parks, with their fancy plug ins and septic systems, but you can easily rock up to a nice park or waterfront and quietly spend the night for free! (Just put your curtains up so good god fearing folk don't see you drooling on your pillow naked when the sun comes up)
3. The sky is the limit with all the weird shit you can do to the van. The first couple weeks we had it, I painted a maple leaf on it, we threw out all the creepy stuff that came with it, made a sticker wall and bolted some Tiki statues to the dashboard. This ain't no rental, go crazy!
4. There's a community that comes with the 'RV life'. For the times we've stayed in the state and RV parks, we've met a lot of really interesting people that travel the continent living out of their RV's and vans. Mind you, most of them are about 70 years old, but absolutely living the dream! You can 'host' at the state parks and live there for free. Summers in Oregon, winters in Texas, all the amenities. Just hand out some firewood when people need it.
5. You get 'the look'. When you're cruising inner-city, racing down some yuppie in his Lexus and getting your ass handed to you, they're giving you the mega thumbs up because you're both wearing cowboy hats, have a coyote skull hanging from you rearview and banging out miles in a sick van. And it looks awesome.
6. If you get sleepy after 5 hours of driving, pull that bad boy over and have THE BEST highway nap you could ever ask for. Open up your 12-volt chilled cooler, have a snack and rest your eyes on your cushioned bed while the rest of those car faring rest stoppers are trying to adjust their seat so it doesn't hurt their lower back.
7. You never forget anything at home. When we first bought the van, I caught myself going 'Shoot! I forget such-and-such' No you didn't man! Everything you own is in storage directly behind you. You need that pair of sandals you think you forgot? They're here. You need tools, socks or a dish rag? It's all here. Where else would it be?
8. Tailgate parties are taken to the next level. There has been a few times when a place was closing, ending or just fading out. Anybody down for a van party? When the van is clean, you can fit four or five people in the ol' Green Machine. Your conversations can be uncomfortably close, but at the after party point, who cares? Turn on some tunes, crack some beers and sit back for the impending comments of 'how creepy' this van is.
9. However much we spend on gas, and it can be quite a lot, it always beats out what we would be paying for rent or hotels. Every time you cringe at the gas pump, that's one less night that you don't have to cringe at an $80, cigarette burned motel room.
10. It's FUN AS HELL! You tower above all the other cars, your engine's roaring (probably a bit too loudly), cruising the freeways with twenty different pairs of sunglasses to wear, sunshine coming through all the windows, radio stations going from static to jazz to country to bible school then back to static, and all your weird and wonderful mementos hanging off the rafters. It's a very good and liberating feeling.

Of course, like anything it has it's down sides. Claustrophobics need not apply, your personal space is challenged everyday (mostly due to the dog), it rips through fuel and if it ever was to have a major breakdown, suddenly were wheel-less AND homeless. But knock on that cheap 70's laminate wood right? Overall it's been an amazing experience, and hopefully we won't have to give 'Este-Van' up at the end of summer. He's part of the family now.

Thanks for reading! Now go quit your job, buy a van and live in the woods.