The mind of man is capable of anything - because everything is in it, all the past as well as all the future
-Heart of Darkness
I very recently had chat about about having the right attitude. You can sift through mounds of ostentatious self help books, breathe methodically in a yoga class or watch birds alight on lilac bushes while listening to orca sounds over a synthesizer, but real peace comes from a place very deep within. Whether that deep place can be found in the soul, chi, cortex...whatever, that's where it comes from, within. I tend to think of myself as a very positive person, try to greet each day with no hangups from the previous one and ultimate exhilaration for the one in front of me. It's not always the case though. Most days I wake up and feel like the world can be conquered, not in a Alexander or Genghis Khan kind of way, but in limitless possibilities respect. The countries I want to visit, the careers I want to pursue, the languages to be learned and all the friends to make, these are what make my blood flow. Sometimes in the thrill of anticipating your future though, you find that the present has formed a smothering blanket of 'I want' & "I wills' around you. Some people go through a mid life crisis, maybe around 40 or 45. Perhaps I'm going through a mid life visa crisis, as February marks 6 months in Australia. Let me lament for a moment until I get back to the main point of having the right attitude.
SE Asia was an unreal experience, the smells, the sights, the people I met and all the things to be learned. I have told a few people that if I was to do it again, perhaps I wouldn't constantly have a drink in my hand and take a few days to go through some organized tours. Perhaps kayaking, some rock climbing, hot springs (although these would have been suicide in that heat). Whatever. You get my point, activities. This is one of those pseudo-regrets where you say you would do it differently, but in fact would change nothing given the opportunity again. Of course hind-sight is always 20/20, but I usually find that to be synonymous with 'a learning experience', which it was.
Australia is different though. I showed up here unannounced, unplanned and under-financed. By the time I hit Australian soil my bank account was empty, my credit card was near to maxed out, I had lost 20 pounds from sweaty traveling and it was COLD. I stayed in a hostel for 3 months trying to figure where to live, how to make money and who to make friends with. It wasn't bad by any means, but I lost the glamour of new, shiny and affordable backpacking. For awhile, I worked two jobs with barely time for a shit in between shifts, and it was terrible, obviously, but I made the cash I desperately needed. I realized that one of the jobs, despite the incredible social scene, just wasn't worth my bang for it's buck, so (as my version goes) just kind of phased out. I worked casually at the other job up until Christmas, barely scraping more than 25 hours a week. I won't bore you with figures, but deducting one night out, rent and food there is little to throw at the ever amassing credit card, with less than coins going into a saving account.
So Christmas rolls around, and this job is shut for three weeks. This is where a mature, savvy and accountable human being would have pursued other options for not only income, but for the sheer sake of not wasting time. But years of hospitality work, a master card safety net and a lack of temperance has turned me into the antithesis of the formerly mentioned traits. Christmas was filled with all the normalities you would expect at that time of year, minus the snow of course. Good cheer, flowing booze, turkey and people you care about. It was a Christmas to be remembered, if not wholly so (chug chug). I worked New Years Eve at a massively packed and beautiful venue, making enough scratch to at least buy the days bread. The day after, I booked a flight up to the Whitsundays to rendezvous with the Christmas crew, and spared no expense. Or MasterCard didn't anyways. As some of you have probably seen the pictures, I regret nothing. The immeasurable beauty of that part of Australia hurts to look at, and being there with good friends made it all the more memorable.
Now, however, back in Melbourne at the 25 hours/week job, with an almost insurmountable amount of debt accumulated, a dark part of this nomad life starts to eclipse that conquerir le monde attitude. But this is where the right attitude has never been more important. Some people think about it in different ways, and I'm always a culprit for saying 'It could be worse'. This idiomatic mantra may seem harmless, but in looking at the bottom you tend to forget to look up. Today, for instance, it is 32 degrees out. I have recently moved into a house with cheaper rent, no spiders and amazing friends. I have parents who dish out tough love, but never disparaging criticism and friends who I'll speak to no more than 3 or 4 times in a year, but will greet me back like no time has passed (I hope anyway!)
In the conversation about having the right attitude, I was told I'm regretting the things that haven't happened yet, which is stupid. I agree.
*I know this sounds like a lot of self indulged horse shit, but it's not just about being broke or anxious or far from home. Take whatever is bothering you, or ruining you, and just flip it on it's head. If school isn't what you thought it would be, chuck it and move somewhere exotic. If your not making enough money, spend less, or find a way to make more. If you don't know what to do with your life, try heaps of different things, get a tattoo or join a racquet ball league. Don't let things that won't matter 15 years from now ruin this moment, and I promise I will try and do the same. thanks.
